Street Mission Project, Dorestudio-魅力摄影店

     大家都知道在三藩市其他地方都是很旅游化的, 很多街道和地区都是为了吸引游客而修建的.  但是有一条街是对我来说很有本地的感觉. 这条街就是MISSION. MISSION 24到16街离我住的地方和学校都不远, 当我有了自行车之后我就常常带上相机, 骑着自行车去MISSION沿街拍摄.  拍摄MISSION的最初阶段, 是因为受到马格兰摄影师MARTIN PARR的影响, 当时我在图书馆看了他拍得THINK OF ENGLAND. 觉得把英国那种本地特色和一些很土很俗很脏的现象拍得很讽刺也很真实. 于是我也想借着拍摄MISSION大街把美国的地方特色拍得很土很很俗很脏. 可是拍了一个周末, 发现, 这条大街根本就不能表现美国的特色. 这是一条墨西哥移民的大街, 这里的大多数人都是墨西哥人和黑人, 来这里的白人大多都是游客和流浪汉.  如果要追溯MISSION更早的历史, MISSION应该是三藩市最早的一条大街, 是最早的西班牙殖民者来到这里建设起来的, 所以这里也有很多西班牙裔白人的后代.

                                                             Cowboy, Mission 23rd

                                                              Photo Studio, Mission 21st

因为找不到足够可以体现美国特色的东西, 所以我放弃了一开始的念头, 也是我必须放弃的念头. 一些对我来说影响力很深的摄影师比如说黛安.阿巴斯,GARY WINOGRAND, 森山大道, 爱德华.博坦斯基....都是不能去刻意模仿的, 读研究生不能在继续停留在模仿状态, 一个摄影师一定要走出自己的路, 磨练出自己的风格, 表达出自己的内心世界和自己独道的观察世界的视角. 所以我要放弃所有以前那些我喜欢的艺术家对我的影响. 一切从零开始.

                                                          One Dollar Street Food, Mission 22nd

大卫.林奇说要钓大鱼一定要去深水处. 要拍出深刻的照片, 摄影师一定要深入了解你拍摄的对象. 如果你拍摄一个地点, 你要到那个地方去亲身体验那里的环境, 去认识那里的人, 了解他们的生活. 如果你要拍摄一个人, 你要和他/她交朋友, 和他/她相知相处, 不光是了解他/她的外表(这不是时尚摄影), 你要了解他的内心世界, 把他的内心世界和你对人性以及对世界的看法结合起来才能创造出艺术摄影.

                                                         Open Restaurant, Mission 20th  

 

Open, Mission 20th 

 

Old Man, Mission 22nd

                                        Super Star in the One Dollar Store, Mission 22nd

我骑着车游荡在MISSION大街上,  偶然路过一家看上去很OLD FASHION的魅力摄影馆. 自数码相机普及以来, 摄影馆都走到了濒临绝迹的地步. 能够再次看到这样的摄影馆, 而且是在美国, 我当然觉得稀奇. 于是忍不住好奇的我, 走进了这家名叫DORESTUDIO的摄影馆.

                                                                 Dorestudio, Front Store (Iphone photo)

                                                                 Dorestudio, Front Store (Iphone photo)

刚走进摄影馆, 我就感到一种超现实的人造天堂的感觉.  里面的照片全是仿好莱坞的Glamor Shots, 超级明星的感觉,  所有的人像都是被精心装扮出来的. 他们的穿着, 他们的化妆, 他们的表情都是那么的不现实, 每个人都像人偶一样. 相同的风格,  相同的动作, 相同的表情. 而这种风格和表情是那种过时的, 这些所谓的美感是美国的主流社会排斥在外的一种第三世界移民对美国文化的误解(或者模仿)而形成的一种对美的共识. 这是一种不真实的美, 一种不可能存在于现实中的美, 这是一种拟真的美. 而挂满整个房间的照片是对这种美的宣传, 就像电视广告对产品的宣传一样, 当这些宣传不停的蔓延在你眼前, 将你包围的时候, 就简直是一场噩梦, 让你不能回到你自己的本真之中去.  这个噩梦追随了我很久, 从中国的超级购物中心开始就一直随着我来到了美国.

                                                              Dorestudio, Dress Room (Iphone photo)

                                                        Dorestudio, Back Studio (Iphone photo)

但是, 不管怎么样, 我知道我要拍的主题了, 我被人造美的噩(美)梦捆绑着, 我不能不开始对它进行探索, 也是对我自己一个来自过去的第三世界国家的人以及对我周围的所有人内心和人性的探索. 我们为什么生活在美国的边缘社会中, 为什么对他们的垃圾感兴趣?  The Fabricated Beauty is attractive to us, because this is our imagination of America but not real America. 因为我才刚刚进入到他们过时的现实当中. 而这种根本不是现实的现实吸引着我们去消费, 去购买那些我们没有享受过, 没有见过, 没有触摸过, 没有感受过,没有体验过的东西.

                                                              Dorestudio, Storage Space (Iphone photo)

就这样我和Dorestudio的老板Patty结实了. PATTY是一个和NICE的大妈, 她跟我聊了很久, 也了解我是学摄影专业了, 很欢迎我到她的STUDIO拍摄. 我和她交换了名片, 她带我走进他的幕后工作室, 让我参观了她的摄影棚, 化妆间, 试衣间, 藏衣间, 欧洲皇宫的室内拍摄场所....然后她给我提起她的母亲.
 

                                                     Dorestudio, Laundry and Film Storage (Iphone photo)

PATTY说这个摄影棚是她母亲在1950年代的时候建的, 她母亲热爱摄影, 但是从来没有进过专业的艺术学院进行学习. 她说所有关于摄影的技术, 理论, 美学等等都是她母亲从时尚杂志, 摄影杂志, 电影杂志上自学的...这就是说, 所有这一切都是她母亲在受到美国的大众娱乐媒体的影响下创作出来的...这一切, 让我感到如噩梦般的美....人人都想成为娱乐明星的美国梦从1940年代开始直到现在....然后向着全世界传播蔓延...PATTY的母亲在一年前去世了, 现在PATTY一个人经营着这家STUDIO, 她继承了她母亲的风格, 她是一个拍摄GLAMOR SHOOT的能手.

                                        Dorestudio, Patty, The Shop owner/Photographer (Iphone photo)

Glamor Shot 从美国刚进入媒体文化和消费者文化开始流行, 风靡全球...先是那些上层阶级的白人妇女去摄影棚拍摄, 因为那个时候拍一次GLAMOR SHOOT不便宜, 从一开始就是一种奢侈和富贵的象征. 后来娱乐媒体越来越多, 质量也越来越高. 当代的媒体更加贴近生活, 人物形象也更加真实, 由于全球化文化的影响, 美国时尚也变得更加有品位更多元. 人们意识到GLAMOR SHOOT是一种作秀, 虽然还是有不少爱美的女人去拍, 但是也逐渐成为被人嘲笑的艺术行业. 数码时代以后, 照相馆逐渐消失, 人们都有数码相机, 手机和笔记本电脑, 爱美的女性也开始使用这些数码仪器进行自拍. 拍摄SLEFIE是我们这个时代最流行最风靡的时尚行为.  但是无论如何我相信我们要追溯SLEFIE和GLOMAR SHOT是有渊源的.

                                                   Dorestudio, Super Star Photos (Iphone photo)

现在的拍摄计划也就锁定在这家GLAMOR STUDIO, 从这一家老得过时的照相馆开始, 我会继续探索人类爱美的历史...

San Francisco, Home of the Wanderer

As an international student, I came from China, I went to Texas for my undergraduate degree at Texas Christian University.  I was very surprised that I will go to San Francisco to continually study what I love- Photography in the future.  San Francisco for me is the most passionate, liberal, hippie, artistic and beautiful city in America. I went there with my mother during Christmas in 2011, I immediately fell in love with San Francisco, firstly because of the weather, the air is soft, sunshine is bright and the sea is so blue.  The culture diversity and globalization is also good reasons for me to be there as a foreigner.

I made a trip to San Francisco to visit CCA in March 21st. I've been miss the street, city and crowds there for long time. Because, stay in Fort Worth, I couldn't find some interesting subjects for the street photography. I always like to travel to bigger cities like Dallas and Austin to get some good shots. Garry Winogrand had been and spent the last years of his life in Texas. He took photos in Dallas and Stockyards in Fort Worth. I traced Winogrand's trail to the Stockyards, but all I found was commercial street scenes, events and tourists. Therefore,  I decided to go San Francisco again for visiting school and making some street shots.

This time I didn't take my 5D mark II but my Nikon F3 film camera with three different Lenses (24mm, 50mm and 80-205mm) which I brought from my formal professor. I really want to know how to make a street photographs without using digital cameras. Especially, I want to tried to control everything by myself instead of sitting up the aperture priority or shutter priority on a digital camera.  In history of photography, there are lots of genius of photography shoot on the street with their 35, 50 or 24 millimeter film cameras, such as Henri Catier-Bresson, Robert Frank, Garry Winogrand and Lee Friedlander.

As same as last time I went to SF,  I stayed at the North Beach Hotel. A cheap, crappy hotel located in Chinatown on Kearney Street.  I still like there because there are a lot of historical sites, and also authentic Chinese restaurants. The City Light Bookstore is five minutes away from the North Beach Hotel, the bookstore firstly published the literature of The Beats Generation includes Jack Kerouck's On The Road and Allen Ginsberg's Howl, both are my favorite writers. The museum of the Beats Generation is close by the City Light Bookstore which is weirdly surround by lots of stripe clubs. At night, the whole street is filled with neon-lights.

Stay in San Francisco is very connivence, I usually woke up around 9:00 and walked about 15 minutes from my hotel to Market Street, one of the main streets of downtown San Francisco. Then I would catch the buses and their subway called Bart to anywhere I want to.

The Market Street is one of the busiest streets in SF. The public transportation, office buildings, restaurants and fashion stores gather around the downtown, the large population moves around here all day long. I liked spending my time wander around on the Market Street, because there are millions of possibilities to make good street shoots. I just needed to walk around with my camera, and I let the street tell me what to do, I needed to concentrate on not only visual objects but also the sounds, and smells on the street.  As a form of art, photography is a very personal thing,  I had to be alone to follow my intuition in order to express my subjective emotion and ideas by creating the images from the objective world.

My emotion and ideas must some how connected with some other photographers (Artists) in the history whom I found the similarity through viewing their artwork that could shares the same kind of life experiences, thoughts and world-views with me.... Robert Frank, Garry Winogrand and Daido Moriyama became my strong influences.

San Francisco is a hilly city, I was exhausted after walking up to the hills. However, the best view of the ocean is always on the top of the hill.  That was my first time hiking to Fillmore street, a part of the street is on the hill.  After I finished visiting the school, I took the bus to Fillmore, I was hungry and tired, however, I was still wandering on the street and didn't want to go back to the hotel. I saw the sunshine on Fillmore was very beautiful, I wanted to spend this good time to take more photographs and visit more local places.  The houses, theaters, fancy stores and restaurants are intensively locate on the both side of the street. The houses are colorful, blue, yellow and purple, I always want to move into anyone of these houses, I wanted to stand on the roof of the house and look at the sea.

There are any kinds of stores and restaurants on Fillmore.  I was hunting for the food for so long, and finally, the afternoon warm wind took me in to  La Mediterranee which is obviously a Mediterranean restaurant.  After I had a cheap dish of lunch special chicken with felafel, an Irani girl with brown hair served me a small plate of Baklava, and it was amazing.

I was still wandering in these city, I feel like this is my home, I feel like I have no desires of being a working-class person (However, I have to make a living) but a person who can witness the life, ...I like wandering in the city, because I like to see different faces with different emotions. The world is always moving, changing without a rest...I was wondering how can we constantly keep an authentic life-style in this restless city...I wish I can push the shutter to capture that only moment of authentic life and let it preserve and extend the stories of life.

 

Steel Mill Of My Hometown Lianjie, China

Began with my nostalgia, I went back China to visit my family during July of 2012 and I completed a photo project about the steel mill in my hometown.

My hometown Lianjie, is a very small town in southwestern China,  it is located in a hilly area between Chengdu and Chongqing.  It is 200 kilometer away from Chengdu the capital city of Sichuan Province.

I was born and grew up in there till I was 10 years old.  I went to kindergarden and elementary school there,  and almost all my childhood memories was from that small town.  

As long as I can remember, steel industrial was the only industrial in my hometown. My parents and all my other family relatives since my grandparent's generation were all working for this steel mill and some of them are still working and living in there, this is one of a reason I went back to my hometown last summer.  

There always a calling for me as a photographer,

"No matter where did I go to explore the world, 

No matter how many years has past in my life,

No matter who I have become in these years.

I still feel that my life is connecting with somewhere I was born 

and somewhere contains my childhood, 

my family history, the generations of my family,
The working class family in China,

The steel mill of my hometown."

I remember, when I was a little kid, I have never seen the sky as blue as the sky in Texas,  the sky in my hometown was always dark and grey and sometimes when they were excreting the smokes from the factor, the sky turned red, yellow and brown....at night, when I went to sleep, I heard the sound of forging metals...this is probably why sometimes I have bad dreams of the air pollution disasters and giant black smith forges metal under the ground of my house.

I was very scary to get into the real steel mill, because of my childhood memories. However, I knew I don't want this fear to destroy me, I wanted to know what is the steel real looks like, what is the reality of the inhabit of the steel mill workers?  I wanted my camera to revel the reality and to be the witness of the truth.  

I asked my father, "can I go to the steel mill to take some photos for my art portfolio?" Obviously, my father knew the reality of the steel mill, because he was one of the managers of the steel mill and also when he was young, he was hired to take photo for the steel to report the steel mill safety and environmental condition.  When my father heard my question he hesitated for a while and then he called my uncle his older brother who is dealing with the safety investigation of the steel mill.  Then my uncle came, he took me and my father to his office, and let us put the safety helmet on and wear the worker's uniform up. Then he guided us into the steel mill.

The steel mill is filled with heat, noise and stinky smells of chemical air. During the summer, the steel mill environment is even worse. I couldn't tell how aweful I felt when heat gains to 120 farenheit (48 Celcius) and we all wear the big and heave worker's jacket to protect us from the injure.  I couldn't image how could these steel mill workers deal with this kind of temperature for years. The steel mill machines were making crazy noises, there was no way that we can hear each other if we don't talk close to our ears. I saw the workers were gathering close to the machine, the water sprayed out from the machine and cool the red metal down.  One of the workers walked closer to the machine and tried to make the machine is on the right sitting and he has to watch the whole process of the metal cooling down.  I was right above this worker, he was standing over there without any movement for three or five minutes. However, the steams came out from the cooling metals and floating up to the whole space till the roof of the factor.  In my mind, I saw machine is actually a creature, which has my characteristic than the worker, become in front of these massive and dangerous machine. The life of human is threatened, because our bodies are fragile and temporary, it can be harmed and killed immediately by using machine and other mechanic weapons.  One of the picture was taken during the Tiananmen Square Revolution in 1989 by Stuart Franklin, called Tank Man, has sub-conciously inspired me to create my image of the steel mills workers.

In general, My photographs of the steel mill in my hometown of Lianjie, China depict the life of Chinese steel mill workers and the industrial setting they inhabit.  The photographs emphasize a despair and sorrow that seem to linger throughout the highly polluted environment. The fire, smoke, machines, and metals occupy a larger space, and thus, tell more of a story than any one person could.  My intent was to illustrate a reality of alienation and de-humanization of this industrial world. At the same time, I try to narrate a general history of industrial revolution in the whole world.  The industrial revolution costs natural environment and human heath.  

  

第一次...我卖出去了!

星期天下午, 在达拉斯Main Street 的一个两层楼的小酒吧CITY TAVERN里, 我第一次展出了自己大学毕业之后的摄影作品, 也第一次在隆重的生日聚会上出售自己的作品.  在这之前, 我完全没有充分的准备, 那是因为我自己太不够自信也不够武断, 总是犹犹豫豫, 这20多年来, 我从来没有停止过犹豫.

这犹豫的邪魔不知不觉来到我的傍边对我说:

"你这个没有指望的家伙,
你这四年来在美国的大学里都学的是狗屁专业, 艺术, 摄影...
没有办法从生...重要地是学怎么赚钱,
而你却选择去从事理想主义的事业,
这个世界再也没有理想主义者的空间...
除非你把你的良心交给恶魔,
他便会让你的才能变成那些用来粉饰自己的东西,
当人们看到你粉饰的面孔时, 他们都会来将你围绕,
你可以活在那虚荣的冠冕下,
不再为让你体会到生存的重力,
不再体会到孤独, 迷惘和疑惑...
你将失去同情心和信仰,
然后失去和他人最真实的联系...
无奈你必将要活在被自己的虚荣诅咒的人生中....
因为那可以让你获得人间一切你所渴望的东西...
不过你的理想将随着你的一个一个欲望的满足而灭亡 ..."

这犹豫的邪魔给我的青春留下了一件件小小的遗憾, 但是我想既然还没有到走投无路的时候, 我即没有将自己的灵魂交给恶魔, 我就总会有机会去弥补, 而只有信心是唯一可以将我弥补的东西. 当一个人, 真正的找到自己的途径的时候,不管他在如何彷徨或者迷惘,他总也该向着自己途径的方向走下去. 一个人的途径是一个人存在的凭证, 行走自己的途径使一个人感觉到自己的存在, 同样这行走也是他自己的责任, 因为他为他自己选择了这条途径.  我想只要一个人还算走在自己的途径上就没有完全丧失存在的意义.  想到这里, 我便无法推卸自己要继续创作, 也要让自己的创作被人证实的责任.  于是在出展前的前一个星期, 我总算战胜了自己的犹豫, 随即开了筹备起自己的摄影展览来.

一个礼拜的时间完全不够筹备一个展览, 我要是听了父亲的教训就不会为展览的事而唐突. 父亲常常教导我, 要做好一件事, 一定要给自己足够的时间, 不要在最后一刻来赶. 而我总是把自己大部分的时间耗费在无意的玩乐当中, 由于我从小贪玩好乐, 总不舍玩乐的时光去完成自己该完成的事情. 但如今, 我已为自己选择了自己的途径, 便应该知道为了行走这条路, 便要克服自己贪玩的习惯...人间有太多有趣的东西, 可以将一个艺术家的心吸引, 任何美丽或烂漫之事都可以将他的心吸走...然而, 他意识到这将成为他前行路上的阻碍...他说, 唯有懂得限制自己的人才可以成就生命的意义.

在打印店打印相片, 是一件令人头痛的事情.  以前在学校里面都是自己打印, 我可以随意在photoshop 上控制相片的尺寸和像素. 如果一张打印出来不喝心意, 总可以继续打印, 知道自己满意为止. 然而, 在打印店打印自己的相片, 全然不敢马虎, 自己必须要把尺寸和像素, 相片的对比度, 色彩和锐度...都调好, 不仅如此, 还要给打印店的工作人员交待清楚, 你的相机的全画幅的, 所以打印出来的相片的尺寸比一般的相片的尺寸更大, 比如说半画幅相机的相片尺寸是4x5, 那在全画幅上就是4x6. 那么依次放大的比例在半画幅相机上就是8x10 (2x), 12x15 (3x), 16x20(4x), 那么在全画幅相机上就是, 8x12(2x), 12x18(2x), 16x24(3x). 看似简单的比例关系, 要是在打印店里不给工作人员讲清楚, 他们就会把你全画幅的照片裁剪成半画幅的照片, 然而打印费又如此之高. 当我拿到第一批打印结果时, 脑袋突然懵了, 不知道该怎么办, 花了那么多钱打印的相片全部不符合我的要求, 想找打印店赔钱重印, 但是仔细想了一下有是自己没有给别人交代清楚的原因, 没有理由给人家闹架. 于是只好自己在重新掏钱打印. 当我掏出自己身上唯一剩下的200 多美元的的时候, 就注定了要和命运赌一把, 要是相片卖出去了, 那我就可以继续过好自己的日子, 高自己的创作. 但是, 一旦没有卖上两幅以上的作品, 就只有挨饿, 没有物质基础就再也无能搞精神建造了, 我想的是一旦亏本了, 我就再也不搞艺术了, 先去餐馆打工维持生计, 然后再向父亲求救, 回国和他做生意.

花了很多的心思, 无奈也花完了自己的零用钱, 总算还是在几番周折中筹办好了自己的展览. 礼拜五下午, 我和宽子一道去达拉斯进行最后的装置.  宽子对我说了很多, 她对我是有信心的, 虽然我对自己都不报希望, 她一直觉得我是一个很乐观的人, 那是因为我从不在她面前暴露自己自卑的一面. 我知道, 宽子是一个好强的女孩, 然而她有对自己的事业那么认真, 她总是对自己不满意, 觉得自己的作品不够好, 总是活在这样的焦虑之中, 这是完美主义者的焦虑.  然而, 我是一个无所顾忌的粗人, 我做事一向比较粗心大意, 不拘小节, 我希望自己可以做一个完美主义者, 但是我晓得那样的我很难快乐起来...完美主义是每一个理想主义者的通病, 这也是为什么艺术家很难感到满足的原因, 我不知是什么时候明白了知足常乐的真谛, 我相信在这世上没有什么可以达到完美, 只有无限的靠近完美...而靠近完美的唯一方式, 就是不懈的行在自己途径上, 为自己当前的状态而感到满足, 冷静沉着的看待当前的每一件事情, 因为如果我们望得太远, 望不到路的尽头, 我们就不想继续行走去了.

我相信佛教对因果的阐释, 因果是由业力组成的。業力是指個人過去、現在或將來的行為所引發的結果的集合，業力的結果會主導現在及將來的經歷, 所以，個人的生命經歷及他人的遭遇均是受自己的行為影響。因此，個人有為自己生命負責的可能性以及責任。只有在把个人的生命看成一种责任的时候, 我们才有动力去生活, 去创作.  记得, 那是一个周末的下午, 我没有人有什么动力继续坚持自己的街拍计划, 因为在德州不管我走到哪里, 都没有什么让我眼前一亮的事物, 没有什么新奇的, 也没有什么与众不同的东西...困在达拉斯的街头, 我感到无聊和枯燥, 我走过了好几条街, 从下午三点走到五点, 已近快放弃一天的摄影计划了, 就在我走过一条巷子的时候, 我看见街对面有两辆警车, 三五个警察真在围着一个流浪汉, 正在审问他的犯罪过程. 我拿着相机向着街对面走去, 警察用严厉的眼神看着我, 其中一个警察叫我放下相机, 并且警告我, 说我违章过街...只听见一群人哄堂大笑, 这戏剧化的一面马上出现在了我眼前,  CITY TAVERN 酒吧就在街边, 就在此时此刻, 一群人正聚集在酒吧的露天场所, 饮酒, 聊天为了纪念他们刚刚过世不久的老朋友JOAINE. 他们看见我手持相机走过犯罪现场, 都用开玩笑的姿态和语言与我打招呼, 也许, 他们每个人都沉迷在了他们的世界当中.  作为一个从远方而来的过客的我, 看见这一场面, 就像看见一台戏剧, 就在这一刻我迅速地按下了相机的快门.  没有想到这一瞬间的快门注定了我和CITY TAVERN结下不解的情缘.  当我回到家中将照片发到FACEBOOK上的时候, 真的没有想到在CITY TAVERN 聚集的那群人中会有那么一些热爱艺术的人对我的作品感兴趣.  STEVE HUNTER一个来自苏格兰的画家首先和我联系, 他把我的照片介绍给他的朋友, 其中一个叫BERNEY WILLIAMS 的和我父亲差不多年龄的大叔对我的作品十分赞赏, 没有想到一个在煤炭公司做管理人员的BENERY, 画得一首得意的漫画. 就在当他看到我的作品之后, 他便提笔给我画了一张漫画版的肖像, 并接称我叫, "Downtown Photographer", 我被这一称号吓了一跳, 因为我究竟是来自远方的过客, 我在达拉斯遇见他们不过是偶然, 然而, 竟然是什么原因让他们喜欢上了我, 让我也喜欢上了他们...那也许是我们内在的共同感, 那种对生活和对艺术的共鸣...那种精神上的联系...想到这里我便不再以为那是一种偶然...那也许不过是我的业力所产生的因果.




 

 

To A Lost Artist

This world in our time is filled with eye catching stuff. Creativity has been over-rated. I mean, people always care about ideas, the idea can be something they called "Cool". Even the word "Cool" is very pale and boring and over-rated in a real art world. Because, making a cool thing is very easy at this time, if you get on internet and look at some very cool stuff from some cool people who has already been cool before you and me. These people made their cool stuff, then a lot of people became their followers.

As Nietzsche said, human beings has herd instinct, they like to be followers because they have no self. They have no idea what is real and what is self. So, they have no awareness of self but something from outside world, such as information from internet, mass media, movie...if so, they cannot make artwork to be their own, they are just imitating and stealing but they said this is creativity and this is cool. I mean imitating is not a bad thing, the bad thing is if you don't know why you create art like this.  You must know why you create an art when you create it,  it is not about a easy meaning, such a beauty, cool or nice...but the ultimate meaning of art.

If art is only about creativity or cool, the art has already died for many years. However, art has not died, because the artist, I mean the real artist is still exist, and the art is the way of thinking and living of the artist. Obviously, the artist has creativity, but it is only a tool or a part of ability for them to make art in order to show or express their thoughts- the artist really aware themselves as individuals, they have egos, and this ego is keeping them different from each others, so that they create things out of nothing but their own minds, eyes, breath, love, fears, passion and sexuality...however, their egos must echo the general existence of other human beings, so that seeking the essential meaning of existence of being human.  Through the artist's work, we will see the essence of self and the world, such as human nature, time and society.  The existential question is about who we are, why we are exist. The artist ought to answer or seeking the answer through creating and showing their artwork. Otherwise, we are just wasting our time to making eye-catching works, which cannot be art.

Too many people want to be cool and recognized in 21st century, in this extreme commercial and internet-dominated era. People can easily be recognized through facebook, twitter and any social networking on internet. It became so much easier for people to show their artwork or creativity on internet, at the same time the meaning of art might be reduced into one word "Cool".

To be cool is a human nature, everybody wants to be cool, because every human being wants to get attention from others, we scary of being alone, we scary of death and uncertainty in this world. But as artist, we ought to overcome our human nature, as Nietzsche's said, "Human is something we ought to overcome". In my opinion, it does not mean, we should overthrow human nature or deny it. Human nature is neither positive nor negative thing, because I can't judge other people for being a human.
but it is a obstacle for these people who want to reach the essential meaning of existence, such as artist.  Obviously, the artist is human, but the artist want or obligate to reach the meaning of existence, so the artist ought to overcome their human nature.  The artist must experience the fear, the alienation, the solitude...in order to understand the feeling of being human and create the way for others to aware that who we are and why we exist. Indeed, that's the only way for the artist to keep ourselves do not lost in our time and our society. We shall not fall into this world and betray ourselves and our styles to be cool and to be recognized. We ought stand outside of this time and society and be the witness of it, we create from it and to it.


 

困兽逃亡记

    到美国念书算上走上一条不归路, 走了四年了. 我没有为自己所走过的路后悔,  即使从一开始父母就放对.  我从一开始就晓得自己想要从事的行业是什么,  但是在国内那种教育制度下, 我没有自信心表达,  那时的我连顶嘴都不会, 只知晓得哭和躲.  一旦被爸妈骂了, 我就哭得一塌糊涂,  那时候真是觉得自己一点出息都不会有,  我连顶嘴都不会顶, 更不用说叛逆了…我有过叛逆的时候, 但是都自己藏起来了. 我常常在想不通, 又觉得不愿意听从父母的时候一个个人躲起来, 或者一个人冲上街头四处游荡, 然后自言自语的走上一整天, 直到天黑才回家.  我那时只知道心里面闷的很, 需要有人和我沟通,但是又找不到一个可以沟通的人…于是上高中的时候, 听人家传基督的福音, 然后稀里糊涂的信了耶稣…在这里我不提关于我信仰的事情.  我就想轻松的谈谈出国这回事.

  要说出国,  大多数留学生都是来美国学高科技, 学金融, 学咋个挣美元, 咋个搞企业, 咋个搞经商的…而我在选高中的时候就选错了学校, 高中的所学的知识全是西方的东西, 西方的价值观和西方的生活态度完全把我洗脑了.  有人说我是个汉奸, 连我妈都说我忘了自己的皮肤是黄色的. 我不明白, 为什么中国人要把人种分得那么清楚, 说啥子只交白人朋友, 跟白人在一起, 我就成了汉奸了…难道我真的不晓得自己是个中国人吗?  汉奸这个词的反义词该是啥子呢? 也许大家会说是爱国主义者.  但是他妈的啥子又是爱国呢?  你在美国学科技, 学经商的, 挣没美元在美国过资本主义的日子, 在这边找工作, 找对象, 交的朋友即使都是黄皮肤黑头发的中国人…你就说自己是中国人, 但是中国跟你有啥子关系? 如果你根本就不关心中国的历史, 中国社会的变迁, 中国人民的生活, 中华民族的传统文化…你有啥子理由说自己爱国? 你假装关心一下中国的政治,  生活在中国人的社交圈子当中, 天天聊着啥子东西在美国很便宜, 啥子东西在美国质量比在中国好. 的确, 美国在你心目中啥子都比中国好, 除了中国菜.   你是中国人就借不了吃中国菜, 中国菜在你心目中永远是最好吃的…我觉得一个中国人以喜欢吃中国菜的理由来说自己爱国比其他方式都好, 因为中国啥子都可以被一党专制搞死, 搞烂, 搞变味儿, 但是中国菜是变不了味儿的.  你只要是人, 都要吃饭, 而你中国人,都要吃正宗的中国菜, 不管你他妈是中央领导还是普通老百姓, 吃不到中国菜你都觉得难受, 活不下去.  所以, 目前还能让中国人感到自己是中国人的东西就是中国菜…这是一脉传承的中国文化,  就算有那些出了国连汉字都忘了怎么写的人也不会忘记中国菜的味道.

    当一个人拒绝接受任何外界灌输给你的价值观的时候, 他就在群体中变成了异类, 他不喜欢集体, 也不接受集体主义思想.  中国人的一个最大的特征就是具有极强的集体主义思想.  不管是啥子集体, 只要有那么四五个或者更多的人聚集在一起, 他们就开始了一个集体.  不管是啥子思想, 只要多数人觉得好, 那么少数人就必须觉得好. 然后还要像多数人一样拥护集体, 国集体主义生活. 即使自己并不快乐, 也觉得不自由, 也要假装自己过得很好.  我不知道这种集体主义思在中国历史上是怎么产生的,  或许它本来就是中国人本性中的一部分, 或者是文化造成的.  也许有人说这是中国民族的比西方民族更优秀的一点,  因为我们注重集体, 所以我们注重家庭…但是久而久之这一优点被政治利用了,  当一个国开始用家来称呼自己的时候,  国就变成了家, 生活在家中的每一个人都要拥护这个家, 所以没有可以表达自己个体的意愿, 没有一个人比另一个人更特殊, 或者每个人都可以有任何区别.  不管啥子种族, 不管你信仰啥子, 不管你从事啥子行业, 你都要服从在家这个最大的单位之下...所以, 国家集体主义就产生了. 中国人于是把国当做了家, 人与人都团结在一起, 为了一个家的统一, 人人都必须牺牲自我.  爱家, 爱国本身是一种善的表现, 但是在一个没有善的执政者手中,  人的本性的善就变成人性的弱点.  执政者喜欢利用人性的弱点来统治他的人民, 使人民服从在他的掌权之下....他在这个家中扮演着家长的角色,  因为人民没有其他可以依靠, 所以都只有依靠这个家长来给予他们安全感...中国人害怕的东西太多了,  集体让他们感到安全, 所以没有人敢喊出异样的声音说, "我们要自由, 我们要自己做主, 我们不要家长做主, 我们的人生是我们自己的, 没有人可以安排和排布我们自己的人生!! "

    “自我”对很多人来说是很困窘的问题…那是一头被困在我内心中多年的野兽, 即使它在一个家中沉默了许久,  它的自我却并没有死亡.  它想把一个家变成他理想中的家, 它想把国, 变成一个它理想中的国.  美国是自由主义, 个体主义者心目中的理想国. 当一个困兽来到美国, 它就像回到了家.  它想到自己童年时想做而不敢做, 因为父母不允许它做, 事实上是因为父母觉得这件事在群体中不合理, 因为在群体中没有人做这件事…所以父母不想让它去冒这个险…这在群体中没有一个人敢去冒的险`…父母以为这是对它好…久而久之, 它的内心的野兽就被父母的压制所顺服了…那野兽从此学会了过群体生活, 也不反抗也不咆哮, 在被人骂被人无理取闹的时候它只知道哭和躲, 然后自言自语的说, "我赢了!"…直到有一天它离家出走, 它四处躲藏…它走了很远很远…一路上, 它看见孤独的朝圣者, 艺术家, 流浪汉和疯子…最后它走到了一个地方…看见人人都做着自己所热爱的事业,  人人都快快乐乐过着自己喜欢的日子, 不管是有钱人, 中产阶级还是低收入人群, 他们在这个地方的法律之下都是平等的, 他们有资格表达自己的意愿, 也有资格给自己的领袖投票, 而且他们都有资格创造自己的想要的生活…然而每个不同的人不管他们从事什么行业, 过什么样的生活, 信仰什么宗教, 不管什么种族, 也不管什么性倾向….只要在不触犯法律的条件下,他们都有资格成为一个这个地方的一员…这是一个国, 但不是一个国家. 因为在这个国当中有很多个家, 人人都可以在这个过当中建立自己的家. 然而每个家都是这个国的一员.  当困兽看到这一切的时候, 它才突然明白自己其实是一个"人",  他说, "这人生是我的, 我要为我自己的人生做抉择, 我要创造我自己的人生, 我要为自己的人生负责任. 我是我自己, 我是一个人."

行路者训

离开家已经很久了,  一些人在路上独自行走, 难免会迷路.   时不时在路上遇见一个人,  他们对你很好于是你和他们交上了朋友, 以为他们可以同你一同行走在你想走的路上.  但是, 没有多少人是愿意行路的... 行路是一件艰难的事, 这也是为什么你常常停下来的原因.  在每一个地方,  当你在这里歇脚的时候,   你一定要当心...有很多人, 他们出于好心想将你留下来...也有很多人给你温暖的床...一碗甘甜的水...甚至一个甜蜜的吻....你要当心...因为他们想让你停下行路的步伐...当你停下来的时候....你便不会再启程了....那些好心好意的人会带给你温暖和幸福, 而那些伪善的会带上他们一层一层的面具, 将你身上宝贵的东西一件一件的取走, 然后将你引上另一条路, 当你走上那条路的时候, 你必定早已迷失了故乡的方向...你必定也会忘记你本想要去的地方....所以...甘愿孤独吧, 浪迹天涯的行路者....你的影子和足迹在你走过的地方会留下永久的痕迹...在变幻万千的世间...还有什么值得留恋的呢?  如果不能永恒, 一切对你来说都是虚无...所以不要顾及那些容易逝去的东西...在你永恒的足迹里面早已填满了真情和喜乐...这足迹吸引了无数的人...那些理解宇宙奥秘的人....那些把信念寄托给要塞的人...那些走过沙漠但不知疲惫的人...他们看见你不息的行走在那条通向未知的路上, 只因为信念而不顾一切的跟随你....你应该为此而感到幸福...因为人间没有什么比信念跟永久...更真实...更绝对...更美好的东西....因为在变幻万千的人间...当你没有任何约束的行走在路上...任何地方....任何事...任何人...在任何时候都可以成为你的方向...当你走向一个地方时...你发现哪里没有你想要得到的东西的时候...你便回到你起初的路上...告别那些好心将你留下的人和那些虚情假意的人吧...因为你的早已知道你自己的路...如果你已在这路上走过了人间四分之一的旅程...那么你就甘愿带上你的行囊继续走下去吧...那方向,是你自己的...也是你幸福和快乐的原因, 因为那是你自己完善自我的唯一途径...人间最快乐的人莫过于那些完善了自我的人, 那是行路者的行走的原因和方向.