关于街拍的那些事和第一出展

几个月在来, 每个周末都带上相机去沃斯堡城或达拉斯城中心街拍, 消耗了很多时间和精力去创作. 如今都市,大街和人群已经取代了我高中时代的画室. 创作的过程总是漫长的和辛苦的, 独自一人走上大街的那一刻是极度自由的同时也是极度孤独的, 在那个时候我会想起里尔克的<<写给一个年轻诗人的信>>, 他的文字无时无刻的给我信心和激励. 在那个漫长的时刻我要的是耐心和盼望. 投入创作的时候, 是我生命中最快乐的时候, 创作时所消耗的能量是充实着我生命的意义.

                                                  
街拍是这样一种经历, 我将自己推入那未知的环境中, 我不知道每一刻会有什么事情会发生, 我像一个没有目的, 没有方向感, 没有稳定感, 只有期待, 预感和耐心的局外人. 我走在大街上, 我穿越在来往的人群中, 我试着让自己消失,成为一个不被人注视的人, 在大街上时时刻刻观察,探索和等待那随时随刻都会出现的偶然. 我相信, 任何一个偶然的瞬间会成为永恒, 那是布雷松的教导. 我可能太年轻而不能正真的理解大师的话, 我能做的只是尝试. 为了自己的信念去尝试, 也许很多时候他人都无法理解, 因为大众都是那么理性的活着, 而有信心的人是超越大众的. 克尔凯柯尔对教导也许很多自称为有信心的人都无法理解, 因为他们不愿放弃理性, 可是信心是超越任何理性的. 有信心的人所行的事在大众看来是荒谬的, 因为他们所行的是不符合理性, 就像信心之父亚伯拉罕听从上帝的召唤将以扫放上祭坛一样. 一个不去从事理性工作的人常常被视为疯子或者荒谬的人这也许也是对艺术家的最好定义.

街拍时, 常常会有人会避开你的相机,或者用异样的眼神看着你, 我想那时候也是他们最真实的时候. 可是我所期待的是他们完全沉浸在他们的世界中儿无心意识到我的存在. 美国人比中国人更天真, 在他们之中也有很多热爱幻想和拥有信心的人, 我爱那样的人. 当我拿着相机站在他们面前的时候, 他们热情的向我打招呼, 比如在酒吧外面闲谈的人群, 有老人也有年轻人, 有男人也有女人. 我加入了他们的闲谈, 一个名叫JACK WHITE的老头子请了我一杯啤酒, 然后我坐下来听他讲他是往事, 在场的也有几个年轻人和一个张相像印地安人的老头. 他对我讲起他的播音员经历, 在6,7十年代的美国, 他在德州的某个广播台做过十多年的播音员,我想这也是为什么酒吧来来往往的人们每每从他身旁经过都会热情的给他打个招呼,或者坐下来闲聊. 我就趁着一点酒劲不停的拍着这个老头这无穷无尽的表情. 在事隔一周后我又走到这家酒吧门口, 老头子一人神采奕奕的坐在外面抽烟喝酒, 在人群中谈笑...我没有在加入他们,而是站在一旁拍照, 听他们聊天, 和我站在一起喝酒的有一个自行车邮差和他的同事...同时还有一个自称摄影师的哥们, 他有一个工作室, 也有很多特殊的客户, 他主要给他们拍宴会,婚礼和一些家庭照片,一次拍摄有时能挣几千美金. 我听了很惊讶, 但是我也觉得很正常, 在现在这个时代, 挣钱不难,只要你愿意接受一个事实, 一个事实就是抛下自己的信念去为苟且的生存而理性的接受金钱或者别的物质,当你偶尔觉得自己生活的很不错的时候你就可以和别人吹嘘你的才能和你的成就, 这样的人常常把自己的才能和金钱联系在一起...不错我很羡慕这个哥们, 他不过35岁左右,满腹摄影技术理论和小诀窍 (比如,如何用快速旋转焦距来制造超炫的迷幻感...) 这个自称摄影师的哥们,还教导他给我说我的50MM镜头不是用来街拍的, 那么布雷松也就不是他所认识的摄影大师...他指点我用EF 70-200mm f/2.8L IS II USM Telephoto Zoom Lens...因为他观点是正确的,他说如果我站在远处拍他人, 他人就不会察觉我的存在了...这个镜头是在一年前我做灰狗去休斯顿的时候的最爱..后来觉得太笨重,还是50MM更亲切, 我可以带上它去任何地方, 比如说, 酒吧, 艺术馆, 餐馆...就是我在大街上走上几个小时我都不回累...想在酒吧里何人聊上的时候, 我总不会用70-200的放大镜头对着人家吧...不过有一句话他说对了, 我应该有一个以上的相机, 一个安定焦镜头, 一个安高倍放大镜头, 这样我去哪里都方便了...这个们对我不停地指教也让我明白了,为什么这个世界上有那么多会照相或者自称会照相的人但是只有那么唯数可指的人能被成为摄影师...

                                  
夜已晚了, 以上是这几周的创作经历和对创作的一些感想,也有在街拍过程中所经历的趣闻趣事...昨天已经表好了三副作品, 今天早上便会把他们送进学校的画廊出展...这是我进入大学以来第一次处长,但愿会有好的回应.

I Heard Anything but I Didn't Know Why

It was a night, I heard the sound of a train
I heard the shadows of people on
the wall of a ghetto in Lancaster.
I heard people yell and cry.
I heard anything.
but I didn't know why.

Then I saw smokers, drunkers, hookers and bums are talking by the street;
kids are playing basket ball in the middle of the road;
While a dog is bucking for food.
I heard anything,
but I didn't know why.

Now I hear nothing,
but the sound of endless transportation of America,
but the sound of eternal happiness of angel headache hipsters, dancing
with a song..like the sound of a train.
Like thousands and thousand years of repetition of human history,
Like thousands and thousand babies cry out from the wombs,
and thousands and thousand men sigh into the tombs.

I heard anything
but I didn't know why,
Until I sit my house on fire to open up my ears.

Quentin and Stanley

Quentin and Stanley went to eat together...Quentin asked Stanley, " Are you trying to be the best student at our philosophy class, cause you always make the best grade on this class."

Stanley said, "no...because I prefer nothingness, as Laozi said 無為(Wu Wei)-Nothingness or none action. That is the way I prefer to live, I don't care about how good I could be, I'm just doing what I love to do and work on it with my passion without expecting any achievements. No achievement then no suffering, the more desires cause more suffering, if I don't compete myself with others that I won't get stress in this competitive world. I just want to enjoy my life and enjoy whatever I am doing for rest of life, enjoy the harmony which is inside of me. All I need to do is improve my self from my inner side...as Taoism teaching the eternal alchemy, something comes out from my inner side will show the truth about myself and my work, it is something deals with my inner self. So I am just constantly keep doing what I am doing everyday no matter what I gain or what I lose...because I am not going to achieve anything."

Quentin was very confuse and he said, "If you are not going to achieve anything can you stop to be the best student that I can get more chance to get attention by our professor?"

Artists are Patients

Nothing very special during these days. I got a internship at the studio of a photographer, her name is Loli. She is a very kind lady, she is about 50 years old, and she is a great photographer. She told me that she never make any money by taking photos, however she has never stop working on her photos, this is why she asked me to come to her studio to organize her photos. She was a psychotherapist for many years, and then she made a decision for her life long dream, she became a photographer. As I looked up her portfolios that she showed me. She was a daughter of a Jewish family from Israel and immigrated to Europe. She was born in Paris, and during the war world II, her parents both were killed due to the Holocaust by Nazi Germany. I opened up her portfolio, my eyes are attracted by her images. There Was A Forest is one of her portfolio that she showed me. The pictures were took from Jewish Communities of Eastern Europe. I drowned into the figures of people, their houses, their indoor and outdoor events, furniture,decorations,food,landscapes... everyday lives of people and their stuffs...the Jewish Communities that she took from her various perspectives. As a documentary photographer and fine art photographer, she focused on things that she knew and her had real experience with. Also she chose the theme that she is very interested in. I can see that she put her whole passion on her every single pictures that she took, she might had a lot of great moments when she was capturing these photos. Yes, the moment that I am also expecting as a young photographer who is dreaming to be a photo journalist in the future. What is the most significant thing in Loli's pictures? Why she took these pictures? Why Jewish people? Yes, as a foreigner in America I'm pretty sure about one thing that drives a photographer into something unique...which is the culture, where I was born and where I grew up is a force that move through my whole life, anything I know about the world is based on this force that moved and always moving through my life. This is a force could drive me to be unique, also could destroy my life.
I don't know where I am going, once I left my home, but the nostalgia was calling me when I lost, as the food that I love is always Chinese food no matter how long I am in America, and how much I love America then Communist dictating China, I am always a patient of my nostalgia. I think the real artists that I knew are all patients...maybe they all the patients of their fates, their nostalgia or their passion...the patients is another name of artists, is not only because they are sick or mad but also they have to have patience to work on their art.
I know Loli, she is not making any money with her pictures, but she gave a real lesson to me when I was at studio, I was having a long conversation with her, she showed me her pictures and the portfolios, and she showed me the magazines that reported her exhibitions in Lishui, Shanghai, she spent a long time to talk about her experience in China because she wanted to share with me, a young photographer from China. I saw her passion, her madness and her patience.

柴可夫斯基的胡桃匣子

圣诞前夕奥斯丁上空飘着小雨, 我很开心, 即使没有能够和她联系上, 我带上妈妈一起去看我梦想已久的柴可夫斯基的芭蕾舞剧-胡桃匣子.

舞剧在奥斯丁城边的一座叫long center的大型演厅演出, 这也许是妈妈第一次走进这么大的剧院, 第一场正式的看一场完整的芭蕾舞表演, 第一次在这么多说英语的人群中看表演, 第一次在美国和她的儿子坐在一起看一出举世闻名的芭蕾舞表演. 这也是我第一次, 在我成人之后和妈妈在美国看柴可夫斯基大师的芭蕾舞剧. 我很感动, 我也相信这一切都不是偶然的, 当我订票的时候, 我就很激动, 没有想到在我长大之后, 居然还能如愿以偿的在圣诞节前夕和妈妈一起去看胡桃匣子.

一直以来,芭蕾舞就一直深深地吸引着我, 我也不是为何,我不懂舞蹈更不会跳舞, 但是芭蕾舞演员的姿态和芭蕾舞的韵律将一切我内心所渴望表达的都表达得尽善尽美. 我渴望着身体和灵魂一同灵活自如的舞动, 那是人的身体和灵魂至善至美的表现, 我渴望着舞台上的世界, 那个超越了单调,无奈,充满苦难,和充满束缚的世界是人类美好的向往, 同时也只能存在与人类的幻想中. 可是艺术家是是这样一类只愿活在自己的幻想中的人. 他们不堪沉默的希望将人类渴望着,但又遗忘着,摆脱着,可是又不愿放弃,不愿被毁灭的渴望表达出来. 这是艺术家的工作, 他肩负着在比普通大众更艰难, 更承重的责任, 那就是坚守这美好的世界, 表达出那个世界所要表达给人类的一切, 是人类不致绝望,反而增添他们的信心. 我相信, 和基督一样肩负着的使命的艺术家是最好的艺术家, 即使这个世界在不停变换, 人类的真理和价值观都在不停的更改, 而人的价值何在? 我们都渴望着观看这舞台, 这舞台上的一切和它带该我们的美好, 如同圣诞节带该我们的美好一样, 如同芭蕾舞带给我们的美好一样. 借助艺术,那个世界向我们短暂的开了一扇门.

一个浪漫主义者如是说: "我为何不能脱离与18世纪的联系? 虽然我生活在21世纪, 这是一个信息时代, 一个任何主义都可以随时随刻诞生,又随时随刻可以被另一个时代所取代的时代. 这个时代的生活节奏使人可以停止对自我的思考, 这是一个没有伟大和神圣, 只有成功和权利的时代. 这个时代没有绝对的真理, 没有绝对的价值观, 没有绝对的准则而一切都是相对的时代...我们是自由的, 而我们只是相对自由的, 因为这个时代一切都不是绝对的. 我们所谓的的自由是相对与他人的欲望的满足程度的多少, 除此了欲望满足程度之外若没有别的,那"自由"的独立价值何在? 人的个体价值又从何体现? 我不了解我所生存的这个世纪, 因为我很无知, 我所能了解和感悟的只有自然, 我在自然的不变定律中发现着奥秘, 从而将这些受到奥秘启发的思想通过艺术和文学的方式表达出来, 可是没有什么值得我么骄傲的, 因为这创造力来至于自然的启发. 而不来自于他人, 不来自于各种各样在人类文明中散布的真理, 不来自于各式各样为欲望而发表的宣言...因为浪漫主义者都是病人, 他们无法像健康的现代人一样说话,他们不能接受自己所生活的周遭世界,反而渴望回归人类的根源-自然. 我看见这美丽的舞蹈中, 那人类幼小的天性对这个世界意外的世界充满的无穷幻想, 都来自于她对自己所心爱的天真梦想的追逐, 对生活的好奇...如果这个世界还在继续过圣诞节, 还在继续演绎胡桃匣子, 还在继续演绎芭蕾, 我会想心满一足的说, 我依然爱这个世界, 或许只有当我们作为一个隐居者或者一个病人的身份来爱这个世界的时候, 这个世界才值得被爱和被同情. 难道同情不等于爱吗? 自然能够给于人类的是什么? 当人类需要被爱时, 应该走向自然, 因为自然可以将你治愈, 它给予你的是同情. 神爱世人, 因为世人需要被同情. 我们观看舞蹈, 不过是在寻求治愈和同情. 在寻求那一个世界的同时,我们所感到的是对这个世界的失落, 这也是为什么在表演结束之后人们会短暂的欢呼和高兴, 而紧接着的是回到这个世界的失落. 失落的是什么呢? 或许我们又将回到无休无止的孤独中, 或许是我们又将回到我们无休无止的欲望中, 从而不能自由, 那不来自于这个世界的自由, 那使人类的身体和灵魂表现得至善至美的自由, 那是舞蹈中的自由. 舞蹈那是自然赋予我们的自由!!"