San Francisco, Home of the Wanderer

As an international student, I came from China, I went to Texas for my undergraduate degree at Texas Christian University.  I was very surprised that I will go to San Francisco to continually study what I love- Photography in the future.  San Francisco for me is the most passionate, liberal, hippie, artistic and beautiful city in America. I went there with my mother during Christmas in 2011, I immediately fell in love with San Francisco, firstly because of the weather, the air is soft, sunshine is bright and the sea is so blue.  The culture diversity and globalization is also good reasons for me to be there as a foreigner.

I made a trip to San Francisco to visit CCA in March 21st. I've been miss the street, city and crowds there for long time. Because, stay in Fort Worth, I couldn't find some interesting subjects for the street photography. I always like to travel to bigger cities like Dallas and Austin to get some good shots. Garry Winogrand had been and spent the last years of his life in Texas. He took photos in Dallas and Stockyards in Fort Worth. I traced Winogrand's trail to the Stockyards, but all I found was commercial street scenes, events and tourists. Therefore,  I decided to go San Francisco again for visiting school and making some street shots.

This time I didn't take my 5D mark II but my Nikon F3 film camera with three different Lenses (24mm, 50mm and 80-205mm) which I brought from my formal professor. I really want to know how to make a street photographs without using digital cameras. Especially, I want to tried to control everything by myself instead of sitting up the aperture priority or shutter priority on a digital camera.  In history of photography, there are lots of genius of photography shoot on the street with their 35, 50 or 24 millimeter film cameras, such as Henri Catier-Bresson, Robert Frank, Garry Winogrand and Lee Friedlander.

As same as last time I went to SF,  I stayed at the North Beach Hotel. A cheap, crappy hotel located in Chinatown on Kearney Street.  I still like there because there are a lot of historical sites, and also authentic Chinese restaurants. The City Light Bookstore is five minutes away from the North Beach Hotel, the bookstore firstly published the literature of The Beats Generation includes Jack Kerouck's On The Road and Allen Ginsberg's Howl, both are my favorite writers. The museum of the Beats Generation is close by the City Light Bookstore which is weirdly surround by lots of stripe clubs. At night, the whole street is filled with neon-lights.

Stay in San Francisco is very connivence, I usually woke up around 9:00 and walked about 15 minutes from my hotel to Market Street, one of the main streets of downtown San Francisco. Then I would catch the buses and their subway called Bart to anywhere I want to.

The Market Street is one of the busiest streets in SF. The public transportation, office buildings, restaurants and fashion stores gather around the downtown, the large population moves around here all day long. I liked spending my time wander around on the Market Street, because there are millions of possibilities to make good street shoots. I just needed to walk around with my camera, and I let the street tell me what to do, I needed to concentrate on not only visual objects but also the sounds, and smells on the street.  As a form of art, photography is a very personal thing,  I had to be alone to follow my intuition in order to express my subjective emotion and ideas by creating the images from the objective world.

My emotion and ideas must some how connected with some other photographers (Artists) in the history whom I found the similarity through viewing their artwork that could shares the same kind of life experiences, thoughts and world-views with me.... Robert Frank, Garry Winogrand and Daido Moriyama became my strong influences.

San Francisco is a hilly city, I was exhausted after walking up to the hills. However, the best view of the ocean is always on the top of the hill.  That was my first time hiking to Fillmore street, a part of the street is on the hill.  After I finished visiting the school, I took the bus to Fillmore, I was hungry and tired, however, I was still wandering on the street and didn't want to go back to the hotel. I saw the sunshine on Fillmore was very beautiful, I wanted to spend this good time to take more photographs and visit more local places.  The houses, theaters, fancy stores and restaurants are intensively locate on the both side of the street. The houses are colorful, blue, yellow and purple, I always want to move into anyone of these houses, I wanted to stand on the roof of the house and look at the sea.

There are any kinds of stores and restaurants on Fillmore.  I was hunting for the food for so long, and finally, the afternoon warm wind took me in to  La Mediterranee which is obviously a Mediterranean restaurant.  After I had a cheap dish of lunch special chicken with felafel, an Irani girl with brown hair served me a small plate of Baklava, and it was amazing.

I was still wandering in these city, I feel like this is my home, I feel like I have no desires of being a working-class person (However, I have to make a living) but a person who can witness the life, ...I like wandering in the city, because I like to see different faces with different emotions. The world is always moving, changing without a rest...I was wondering how can we constantly keep an authentic life-style in this restless city...I wish I can push the shutter to capture that only moment of authentic life and let it preserve and extend the stories of life.

 

Steel Mill Of My Hometown Lianjie, China

Began with my nostalgia, I went back China to visit my family during July of 2012 and I completed a photo project about the steel mill in my hometown.

My hometown Lianjie, is a very small town in southwestern China,  it is located in a hilly area between Chengdu and Chongqing.  It is 200 kilometer away from Chengdu the capital city of Sichuan Province.

I was born and grew up in there till I was 10 years old.  I went to kindergarden and elementary school there,  and almost all my childhood memories was from that small town.  

As long as I can remember, steel industrial was the only industrial in my hometown. My parents and all my other family relatives since my grandparent's generation were all working for this steel mill and some of them are still working and living in there, this is one of a reason I went back to my hometown last summer.  

There always a calling for me as a photographer,

"No matter where did I go to explore the world, 

No matter how many years has past in my life,

No matter who I have become in these years.

I still feel that my life is connecting with somewhere I was born 

and somewhere contains my childhood, 

my family history, the generations of my family,
The working class family in China,

The steel mill of my hometown."

I remember, when I was a little kid, I have never seen the sky as blue as the sky in Texas,  the sky in my hometown was always dark and grey and sometimes when they were excreting the smokes from the factor, the sky turned red, yellow and brown....at night, when I went to sleep, I heard the sound of forging metals...this is probably why sometimes I have bad dreams of the air pollution disasters and giant black smith forges metal under the ground of my house.

I was very scary to get into the real steel mill, because of my childhood memories. However, I knew I don't want this fear to destroy me, I wanted to know what is the steel real looks like, what is the reality of the inhabit of the steel mill workers?  I wanted my camera to revel the reality and to be the witness of the truth.  

I asked my father, "can I go to the steel mill to take some photos for my art portfolio?" Obviously, my father knew the reality of the steel mill, because he was one of the managers of the steel mill and also when he was young, he was hired to take photo for the steel to report the steel mill safety and environmental condition.  When my father heard my question he hesitated for a while and then he called my uncle his older brother who is dealing with the safety investigation of the steel mill.  Then my uncle came, he took me and my father to his office, and let us put the safety helmet on and wear the worker's uniform up. Then he guided us into the steel mill.

The steel mill is filled with heat, noise and stinky smells of chemical air. During the summer, the steel mill environment is even worse. I couldn't tell how aweful I felt when heat gains to 120 farenheit (48 Celcius) and we all wear the big and heave worker's jacket to protect us from the injure.  I couldn't image how could these steel mill workers deal with this kind of temperature for years. The steel mill machines were making crazy noises, there was no way that we can hear each other if we don't talk close to our ears. I saw the workers were gathering close to the machine, the water sprayed out from the machine and cool the red metal down.  One of the workers walked closer to the machine and tried to make the machine is on the right sitting and he has to watch the whole process of the metal cooling down.  I was right above this worker, he was standing over there without any movement for three or five minutes. However, the steams came out from the cooling metals and floating up to the whole space till the roof of the factor.  In my mind, I saw machine is actually a creature, which has my characteristic than the worker, become in front of these massive and dangerous machine. The life of human is threatened, because our bodies are fragile and temporary, it can be harmed and killed immediately by using machine and other mechanic weapons.  One of the picture was taken during the Tiananmen Square Revolution in 1989 by Stuart Franklin, called Tank Man, has sub-conciously inspired me to create my image of the steel mills workers.

In general, My photographs of the steel mill in my hometown of Lianjie, China depict the life of Chinese steel mill workers and the industrial setting they inhabit.  The photographs emphasize a despair and sorrow that seem to linger throughout the highly polluted environment. The fire, smoke, machines, and metals occupy a larger space, and thus, tell more of a story than any one person could.  My intent was to illustrate a reality of alienation and de-humanization of this industrial world. At the same time, I try to narrate a general history of industrial revolution in the whole world.  The industrial revolution costs natural environment and human heath.  

  

第一次...我卖出去了!

星期天下午, 在达拉斯Main Street 的一个两层楼的小酒吧CITY TAVERN里, 我第一次展出了自己大学毕业之后的摄影作品, 也第一次在隆重的生日聚会上出售自己的作品.  在这之前, 我完全没有充分的准备, 那是因为我自己太不够自信也不够武断, 总是犹犹豫豫, 这20多年来, 我从来没有停止过犹豫.

这犹豫的邪魔不知不觉来到我的傍边对我说:

"你这个没有指望的家伙,
你这四年来在美国的大学里都学的是狗屁专业, 艺术, 摄影...
没有办法从生...重要地是学怎么赚钱,
而你却选择去从事理想主义的事业,
这个世界再也没有理想主义者的空间...
除非你把你的良心交给恶魔,
他便会让你的才能变成那些用来粉饰自己的东西,
当人们看到你粉饰的面孔时, 他们都会来将你围绕,
你可以活在那虚荣的冠冕下,
不再为让你体会到生存的重力,
不再体会到孤独, 迷惘和疑惑...
你将失去同情心和信仰,
然后失去和他人最真实的联系...
无奈你必将要活在被自己的虚荣诅咒的人生中....
因为那可以让你获得人间一切你所渴望的东西...
不过你的理想将随着你的一个一个欲望的满足而灭亡 ..."

这犹豫的邪魔给我的青春留下了一件件小小的遗憾, 但是我想既然还没有到走投无路的时候, 我即没有将自己的灵魂交给恶魔, 我就总会有机会去弥补, 而只有信心是唯一可以将我弥补的东西. 当一个人, 真正的找到自己的途径的时候,不管他在如何彷徨或者迷惘,他总也该向着自己途径的方向走下去. 一个人的途径是一个人存在的凭证, 行走自己的途径使一个人感觉到自己的存在, 同样这行走也是他自己的责任, 因为他为他自己选择了这条途径.  我想只要一个人还算走在自己的途径上就没有完全丧失存在的意义.  想到这里, 我便无法推卸自己要继续创作, 也要让自己的创作被人证实的责任.  于是在出展前的前一个星期, 我总算战胜了自己的犹豫, 随即开了筹备起自己的摄影展览来.

一个礼拜的时间完全不够筹备一个展览, 我要是听了父亲的教训就不会为展览的事而唐突. 父亲常常教导我, 要做好一件事, 一定要给自己足够的时间, 不要在最后一刻来赶. 而我总是把自己大部分的时间耗费在无意的玩乐当中, 由于我从小贪玩好乐, 总不舍玩乐的时光去完成自己该完成的事情. 但如今, 我已为自己选择了自己的途径, 便应该知道为了行走这条路, 便要克服自己贪玩的习惯...人间有太多有趣的东西, 可以将一个艺术家的心吸引, 任何美丽或烂漫之事都可以将他的心吸走...然而, 他意识到这将成为他前行路上的阻碍...他说, 唯有懂得限制自己的人才可以成就生命的意义.

在打印店打印相片, 是一件令人头痛的事情.  以前在学校里面都是自己打印, 我可以随意在photoshop 上控制相片的尺寸和像素. 如果一张打印出来不喝心意, 总可以继续打印, 知道自己满意为止. 然而, 在打印店打印自己的相片, 全然不敢马虎, 自己必须要把尺寸和像素, 相片的对比度, 色彩和锐度...都调好, 不仅如此, 还要给打印店的工作人员交待清楚, 你的相机的全画幅的, 所以打印出来的相片的尺寸比一般的相片的尺寸更大, 比如说半画幅相机的相片尺寸是4x5, 那在全画幅上就是4x6. 那么依次放大的比例在半画幅相机上就是8x10 (2x), 12x15 (3x), 16x20(4x), 那么在全画幅相机上就是, 8x12(2x), 12x18(2x), 16x24(3x). 看似简单的比例关系, 要是在打印店里不给工作人员讲清楚, 他们就会把你全画幅的照片裁剪成半画幅的照片, 然而打印费又如此之高. 当我拿到第一批打印结果时, 脑袋突然懵了, 不知道该怎么办, 花了那么多钱打印的相片全部不符合我的要求, 想找打印店赔钱重印, 但是仔细想了一下有是自己没有给别人交代清楚的原因, 没有理由给人家闹架. 于是只好自己在重新掏钱打印. 当我掏出自己身上唯一剩下的200 多美元的的时候, 就注定了要和命运赌一把, 要是相片卖出去了, 那我就可以继续过好自己的日子, 高自己的创作. 但是, 一旦没有卖上两幅以上的作品, 就只有挨饿, 没有物质基础就再也无能搞精神建造了, 我想的是一旦亏本了, 我就再也不搞艺术了, 先去餐馆打工维持生计, 然后再向父亲求救, 回国和他做生意.

花了很多的心思, 无奈也花完了自己的零用钱, 总算还是在几番周折中筹办好了自己的展览. 礼拜五下午, 我和宽子一道去达拉斯进行最后的装置.  宽子对我说了很多, 她对我是有信心的, 虽然我对自己都不报希望, 她一直觉得我是一个很乐观的人, 那是因为我从不在她面前暴露自己自卑的一面. 我知道, 宽子是一个好强的女孩, 然而她有对自己的事业那么认真, 她总是对自己不满意, 觉得自己的作品不够好, 总是活在这样的焦虑之中, 这是完美主义者的焦虑.  然而, 我是一个无所顾忌的粗人, 我做事一向比较粗心大意, 不拘小节, 我希望自己可以做一个完美主义者, 但是我晓得那样的我很难快乐起来...完美主义是每一个理想主义者的通病, 这也是为什么艺术家很难感到满足的原因, 我不知是什么时候明白了知足常乐的真谛, 我相信在这世上没有什么可以达到完美, 只有无限的靠近完美...而靠近完美的唯一方式, 就是不懈的行在自己途径上, 为自己当前的状态而感到满足, 冷静沉着的看待当前的每一件事情, 因为如果我们望得太远, 望不到路的尽头, 我们就不想继续行走去了.

我相信佛教对因果的阐释, 因果是由业力组成的。業力是指個人過去、現在或將來的行為所引發的結果的集合，業力的結果會主導現在及將來的經歷, 所以，個人的生命經歷及他人的遭遇均是受自己的行為影響。因此，個人有為自己生命負責的可能性以及責任。只有在把个人的生命看成一种责任的时候, 我们才有动力去生活, 去创作.  记得, 那是一个周末的下午, 我没有人有什么动力继续坚持自己的街拍计划, 因为在德州不管我走到哪里, 都没有什么让我眼前一亮的事物, 没有什么新奇的, 也没有什么与众不同的东西...困在达拉斯的街头, 我感到无聊和枯燥, 我走过了好几条街, 从下午三点走到五点, 已近快放弃一天的摄影计划了, 就在我走过一条巷子的时候, 我看见街对面有两辆警车, 三五个警察真在围着一个流浪汉, 正在审问他的犯罪过程. 我拿着相机向着街对面走去, 警察用严厉的眼神看着我, 其中一个警察叫我放下相机, 并且警告我, 说我违章过街...只听见一群人哄堂大笑, 这戏剧化的一面马上出现在了我眼前,  CITY TAVERN 酒吧就在街边, 就在此时此刻, 一群人正聚集在酒吧的露天场所, 饮酒, 聊天为了纪念他们刚刚过世不久的老朋友JOAINE. 他们看见我手持相机走过犯罪现场, 都用开玩笑的姿态和语言与我打招呼, 也许, 他们每个人都沉迷在了他们的世界当中.  作为一个从远方而来的过客的我, 看见这一场面, 就像看见一台戏剧, 就在这一刻我迅速地按下了相机的快门.  没有想到这一瞬间的快门注定了我和CITY TAVERN结下不解的情缘.  当我回到家中将照片发到FACEBOOK上的时候, 真的没有想到在CITY TAVERN 聚集的那群人中会有那么一些热爱艺术的人对我的作品感兴趣.  STEVE HUNTER一个来自苏格兰的画家首先和我联系, 他把我的照片介绍给他的朋友, 其中一个叫BERNEY WILLIAMS 的和我父亲差不多年龄的大叔对我的作品十分赞赏, 没有想到一个在煤炭公司做管理人员的BENERY, 画得一首得意的漫画. 就在当他看到我的作品之后, 他便提笔给我画了一张漫画版的肖像, 并接称我叫, "Downtown Photographer", 我被这一称号吓了一跳, 因为我究竟是来自远方的过客, 我在达拉斯遇见他们不过是偶然, 然而, 竟然是什么原因让他们喜欢上了我, 让我也喜欢上了他们...那也许是我们内在的共同感, 那种对生活和对艺术的共鸣...那种精神上的联系...想到这里我便不再以为那是一种偶然...那也许不过是我的业力所产生的因果.




 

 

To A Lost Artist

This world in our time is filled with eye catching stuff. Creativity has been over-rated. I mean, people always care about ideas, the idea can be something they called "Cool". Even the word "Cool" is very pale and boring and over-rated in a real art world. Because, making a cool thing is very easy at this time, if you get on internet and look at some very cool stuff from some cool people who has already been cool before you and me. These people made their cool stuff, then a lot of people became their followers.

As Nietzsche said, human beings has herd instinct, they like to be followers because they have no self. They have no idea what is real and what is self. So, they have no awareness of self but something from outside world, such as information from internet, mass media, movie...if so, they cannot make artwork to be their own, they are just imitating and stealing but they said this is creativity and this is cool. I mean imitating is not a bad thing, the bad thing is if you don't know why you create art like this.  You must know why you create an art when you create it,  it is not about a easy meaning, such a beauty, cool or nice...but the ultimate meaning of art.

If art is only about creativity or cool, the art has already died for many years. However, art has not died, because the artist, I mean the real artist is still exist, and the art is the way of thinking and living of the artist. Obviously, the artist has creativity, but it is only a tool or a part of ability for them to make art in order to show or express their thoughts- the artist really aware themselves as individuals, they have egos, and this ego is keeping them different from each others, so that they create things out of nothing but their own minds, eyes, breath, love, fears, passion and sexuality...however, their egos must echo the general existence of other human beings, so that seeking the essential meaning of existence of being human.  Through the artist's work, we will see the essence of self and the world, such as human nature, time and society.  The existential question is about who we are, why we are exist. The artist ought to answer or seeking the answer through creating and showing their artwork. Otherwise, we are just wasting our time to making eye-catching works, which cannot be art.

Too many people want to be cool and recognized in 21st century, in this extreme commercial and internet-dominated era. People can easily be recognized through facebook, twitter and any social networking on internet. It became so much easier for people to show their artwork or creativity on internet, at the same time the meaning of art might be reduced into one word "Cool".

To be cool is a human nature, everybody wants to be cool, because every human being wants to get attention from others, we scary of being alone, we scary of death and uncertainty in this world. But as artist, we ought to overcome our human nature, as Nietzsche's said, "Human is something we ought to overcome". In my opinion, it does not mean, we should overthrow human nature or deny it. Human nature is neither positive nor negative thing, because I can't judge other people for being a human.
but it is a obstacle for these people who want to reach the essential meaning of existence, such as artist.  Obviously, the artist is human, but the artist want or obligate to reach the meaning of existence, so the artist ought to overcome their human nature.  The artist must experience the fear, the alienation, the solitude...in order to understand the feeling of being human and create the way for others to aware that who we are and why we exist. Indeed, that's the only way for the artist to keep ourselves do not lost in our time and our society. We shall not fall into this world and betray ourselves and our styles to be cool and to be recognized. We ought stand outside of this time and society and be the witness of it, we create from it and to it.